Episode 251
Title: Doing Hard Shit From Fighting to Focusing
Host: Dr. Nicole Rivera
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Transcription:
Dr. Nicole Rivera (00:00.994)
Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Integrative View Radio. And you have Dr. Nicole here. And I actually want to speak to a comment from a very dear friend of mine in relation to our move to Italy. And I've had a lot of people asking me about this huge endeavor that we embarked on as a family. And sometimes I don't always know what to say about it.
But this comment just made me think about bringing this topic to our podcast. And the comment was, hey, I was just with some mutual friends. were asking me about your move to Italy. And I just said, you know, Nicole, she just goes forward and everything seems to work out for her. That doesn't always happen for the rest of us. And it was such an interesting comment because I never thought of myself in that context.
Primarily because for over a decade, felt like everything felt really hard and I had to work harder than anyone else to get micro steps ahead. So it's always interesting, your perception of yourself and the perception on the outside. But what I will say is that we did achieve something that people would say is impossible. And what that achievement was is we came to Italy
without our citizenship, without our visa. And we primarily said, we're not waiting. We're gonna go and we're gonna do what we need to do, but we know that we're meant to be there and things will work out the way that they are supposed to. And we had a lot of trust in the process, primarily because when we came to Italy, we felt different. My husband and I, felt there was something that you couldn't
There was a feeling that a feeling of peace, a feeling of calm, a feeling of resonance. And we couldn't stop thinking about Italy after we got back to the States. And then there was a series of events that started to happen. And in those series of events, there was someone who knocked on our door and said, can I buy your house? Even though our house wasn't for sale, turned out that the offer that they made was even lowball, even though that was higher than what we paid for the house.
Dr. Nicole Rivera (02:27.918)
turned out that our house went up in value, a tremendous amount of money. So we were actually going to be able to walk away with a good profit that would actually help us in different buckets of our life, different endeavors that we had and that we were thinking about. So we had a lot of weird things happen that made us know we're meant to be there. And we understand the realism of getting a visa or embarking on citizenship. It could take years.
and we weren't willing to wait. we said, we're gonna go for it. What is meant to be will be. We do trust that we're meant to be there and things are gonna work out, but we have a plan B in case they don't. So it's not that we were being unrealistic. We had a plan B in case things didn't work out, but they did. And we at this point our are the first ever
as American citizens to come to Italy and actually get our visas while already residing in Italy. And our lawyer said this to us and I was like, no way like we can't be the first. And they're like, you are the first documented at least, but yes, you were the first. So this can look on the outside as like, holy crap, like I could never do that. Or I can't believe that they were able to do that. You know, that's a little crazy, that's wild.
What brings me to the topic that I want to talk to you about today is that there is a difference when you make a decision out of inspiration, opposed to making a decision out of fear or making a decision out of desperation. Me saying, I want to come to Italy because I can't stand the U .S. and I'm over this and I'm over that and I hate this and I hate that. That's a decision out of desperation.
I made a decision, Nick made a decision, we made a decision out of inspiration for the life that we want to live. The life that at this point we knew was a hundred percent aligned with our values as individuals and our values as a family. So our values as individuals and a family is a combination of fun,
Dr. Nicole Rivera (04:54.638)
fun-loving spirit, being able to enjoy fun with conversations around a dinner table, around food, which we also value, adventure, adventure that expands our mind, expands our physical body, it challenges us. And then also the ability to host, teach, and mentor, which has...
been one of the reasons why we decided to create our Limitless Experiences, which are immersion opportunities here in Italy. But overall, knowing our values allowed us to know why we felt so good when we came here to Italy because it checked off the boxes. It was allowing us to step into living in our values. So we knew the decision was right, no matter
the parts that were unknown. So there was a level of trust going into that decision that this is what we're meant to do and we're going to trust this process. And of course, we're going to take the action steps needed, hiring the lawyer, working with an immigration team, et cetera. So we did make sure that we were matching the intention with the action plan as well. And so
There was so much of this that I didn't understand in the past about how powerful your mind is, how powerful your intention is, and how powerful your alignment is. So for those on the outside, it could look like we just picked up and left. But in reality, from the time that we were in Italy, October 2023, until when we actually came here, which was May of 2024,
We meditated for over an hour every single day. We leaned in and anchored in the vision of what our lives looked like here. We anchored in the vision of what our vision beyond our vision was. We anchored in what is it gonna look like once we get there? What is the life we're gonna build there? What is life gonna look like in two years? What is life gonna look like in three years?
Dr. Nicole Rivera (07:14.946)
What does it look like? What does it sound like? What does it feel like? We tapped into every single one of those senses in order to create that alignment, create the alignment in our mind, to create the alignment in our energy, to create the alignment in our heart, to create the alignment in our energy. So when people do big things or they do things that seem
Like, wow, they're so lucky or wow, that means they can do it, I can never do it. It's the power of your intention. It's the power of your alignment. It is the power of your vision. So if you're trying to accomplish something, but you actually don't have a clear vision, you don't feel it in your body. You don't feel excited. You don't feel in love with it. You don't feel any of that.
It's because you're more than likely making decisions that are injected in what you're supposed to do, what you should do, or you're making decisions out of desperation. I know how many times that I made business decisions out of desperation and they never worked out. Maybe they worked out short term, but then they would fall apart later or they would never come to life or they'd blow up in my face. When you make decisions out of desperation,
lack of, lack of money, lack of love, lack of this, lack of that, it's not gonna work out. And you're gonna get more and more burnt out. You're gonna feel more and more defeated. So you need to start asking yourself, am I making decisions out of desperation or am I making decisions out of inspiration? And for those of you that are like, I don't even know what inspires me. I've been there, I get it. But,
You can't make decisions out of inspiration if you don't even know what's important to you. You don't know what you value. And honestly, it took me a long time to really get clear on what I valued. And the reason I look back now and I'm like, so difficult for me to realize what I value. And it's because I had so many injections of what I was supposed to do, who I was supposed to be.
Dr. Nicole Rivera (09:36.054)
what life is supposed to look like, what relationships are supposed to look like, what a business is supposed to look like, and what finances are supposed to look like. It was so crowded in my mind that I couldn't even think for myself. I couldn't think about what I want, what lines for me. I was so busy working out of my voids from my past, my voids where I don't want to be my parents.
I don't want to be poor. I don't want to be disempowered. I don't want to be controlled. I don't want to be a victim. I knew all the things I didn't want to be. So I just aspire to try to be the opposite. And I set my focus onto one thing, which was build a business that's yours that nobody can take from you. And I did that. But man, it was hard.
And there were so many obstacles and there was so much burnout and there was so much hustle. And there was so much, there were so many other buckets of my life that were empty to achieve that. And I'm grateful for it because it's allowed me to become who I am today. It has set me on the path of where I am in this exact moment. But I didn't, I couldn't see what I couldn't see at that time. And there were so many injections from society.
and culture and family and everything else that it jaded my thoughts and jaded my vision. And I realized that I grew a business that if I knew who I was and what was really important to me, I probably never would have done that. And I know that it's all part of the journey, but my goal to help other people is to get very hyper-clear.
on who you are, what you value and understand yourself and be connected to yourself in such a deep capacity that you're able to make decisions every day out of inspiration and not desperation so that you can see your life move in the direction that you want. You can feel energized and fulfilled every day. You can have gratitude. You can be happy and not feel like you're suffering.
Dr. Nicole Rivera (11:55.214)
or you're burnt out or you're losing your health because so many of those negative symptoms that we experience from mental health issues to physical health issues, it's because we are 100 % out of alignment. We don't know who we are, we don't know what our vision is, and we're living a life that is injected upon us on what we should do, who we should be, how we should act, how much money we should make, how should we look.
dress, show up, et cetera. There are so many people that feel completely uncomfortable being themselves. And part of it is we want community. We want to be liked. We want to fit in. Having authentic relationships, because you could be your authentic self, is a completely different dynamic than having a community of people around you that it's superficial and it's not deep and it's not authentic.
and it's not candid and it's not present. So we have to be really, we have to sit back and take inventory on where we're at in our lives. And we need to take the time to do that. You can't fill your life just being busy. Some of the people that I know now, and I know because I was this person as well, you're so busy, you actually don't even know how to think. You almost intentionally keep yourself busy.
so that you don't have the time to reflect on the things that aren't working, you don't have the time to be faced with really hard things that require really hard decisions. And so you keep doing that, but you will hit a point where you can't anymore. And that's when things seem to fall apart. Your health seems to fall apart. So it's taking time, especially if you're a person that you don't feel good.
You don't feel well physically. You don't feel well mentally. You're tired all the time. You don't feel inspired. You actually authentically don't know what you want. This is a calling. It's a calling to start figuring it out. And figuring it out is a journey. But don't look at other people thinking, this is what I want. This is what I don't want. It's time to ask those questions to yourself.
Dr. Nicole Rivera (14:20.734)
what do you want, what do you not want, and to start getting that clarity. Because it's not that some people are lucky and some people aren't. Some people are focused and some people are fighting. And if you can focus on the things that matter the most to you and your family and stop fighting.
all the things you're supposed to be and supposed to do and supposed to wear and supposed to act, you're going to see your life transform. So I hope this is inspirational and I hope this isn't something that you're like, I feel so far away from that. We all are at certain points in our lives. We're all far away from who we want to be and what we want to do. And sometimes it's just because I don't even know what I want to do and what I want to be. But acknowledgment is the first step.
And then it's about using tools. And if you don't know your values, please take the time to figure it out. It is something that is literally the catalyst, the barometer, whatever you want to call it, to help you make decisions in your life. Where to say yes, where to say no, who to bring into your community, who not to bring into your community.
is the key to helping you make decisions out of inspiration and stop making decisions out of desperation.
