Title: What if your intention was to just have fun?
Host: Dr. Nicole Rivera & Nick Carruthers
Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Integrated View Radio.
I am here with Doctor. Nick again, so he has graced us with his presence once again.
But, Don't get used to it.
We were thinking about this,
this idea the other day because we've been doing a lot of,
Oh, we've changed our intent. Yeah.
So we've been really focused on twenty twenty-four and you know,
what does our business in life look like?
You know, when it comes to the people that we feel
so passionately about helping And we keep having this,
you know, this vision of helping families,
families that are focused on making an impact on the world in in some capacity.
And we have such a deep passion
for working with entrepreneurial families as well just because we are them.
But At the end of the day,
when we think about families,
no matter if you're entrepreneurial or not,
is a lot of families have lost sight of having fun.
And I know that we did for many years.
We were very, very focused on the business,
and it was just you and I at the time. We didn't have little queue But it was a long time.
It was ten years, and there was just this idea,
this mentality of Well,
one, we're we're doing good work.
We're making an impact. So I'm okay with working twelve hours,
thirteen hours, four eighteen-hour days.
But also the mindset was hustle now to reap the rewards later.
So hustle now to then have the time freedom
and the energy freedom and the location freedom and all of that later.
But then it was ten years. It was a decade.
Know, I think the mindset for a lot of people,
if you're in the corporate arena, the nine to five job,
as an entrepreneur, you're you're kind of thinking the same is or we've been programmed that way.
It's like work hard for x amount of time to then retire
or work hard now so that your business gets to a certain place,
and then you'll be able to,
take a step back. And without the proper intention or the proper operations,
the proper structure, that doesn't happen.
If anything you you get more in the rabbit hole than you were when you first started.
Well, yeah. Life is just, made up of a bunch of cycle.
And that cycle, what you just explained is the foundation cycle of how the system's created.
And we need to understand, like,
We could we have like an underlining belief,
but our beliefs usually aren't always really true.
It's just and the beliefs is
what is the foundation the thought process that actually creates your decisions and your actions.
So you have this belief system that you're gonna work,
your ass off, five, ten, fifteen,
twenty, twenty-five years, and then you're gonna have this,
you know, golden life, and everything's gonna be sunshine and rainbows.
But through that entire time,
all you've done is strengthen that cycle Yep.
Strengthen the neuroplasticity, strengthen them.
So when that transition actually occurs,
there's no transition. You're still that same person.
Yeah. You're addicted to the busyness. You're addicted to the chaos,
even though you don't want to be, consciously you don't want to be,
but biochemically, you're addicted to it.
You don't even know how to function without And because you're still the same person,
you still deal with problems, but the problem just changes.
In most likely, that problem changes to your health.
So then instead of going out and burning out fires of work and dealing with all that stress,
now you're dealing with stress, either your health or the family,
or there's you're always you're always in the same cycle,
the same energy, it's just in a different form.
So what we were talking about is,
you know, being able, the quality of your life is dictated by the quality of the questions you ask.
So looking at typical problems,
that's happening today. It's like, well, how can we forecast
and change this now so that we don't have to deal with those problems in the future?
And one of those things is by creating that a work-life balance,
but just actually incorporating, I don't wanna say,
more just fun but more joy in everything that you do.
Yeah. We thought about the idea of, like,
when is the last time someone or a family set the intention that they were just going to have fun.
Oh, weekends coming up. We the the objective.
The intention is let's have fun with not thinking about a to-do list.
Not guilt and shaming ourselves because we really needed to do x,
y, and z around the house. And oh,
well, you know, we could have fun, but too much fun,
or we could have fun, but, you know, people might judge us if we do that.
It's just literally have fun,
laugh until you're stomach hurts until you pee your pants, and just,
like, thoroughly enjoy each other's company
and not give a shit about what anybody else thinks about it.
And you know that you're deep because life's all about self-reflection.
And you so you know you're deep into that cycle,
that original cycle is when,
you know, you set this intent, but you go out and you have that judgment of oh,
I'm having too much fun or I need to be doing this.
That is just showing you that you are imbalanced and that the program is there.
You know, you we were you said before we jumped on is like,
how many people, you know, create this vacation,
but they're stressed out the entire time planet.
They're stressed out well in there that they have to meet all these,
you know, places and do all these things and eat at all these restaurants instead.
But it's so many things. It's like,
I never understand because what kind of probed this as well is we're going to Italy in two weeks,
not even. And our team,
our social media team was asking to put together content.
And they're like, oh, you know, with your travel coming up,
can you speak to people that get flight anxiety?
And I'm like flight anxiety. And I was like,
I don't know if I should speak to that because I don't get flight anxiety.
And then I started thinking about, I'm like, flight anxiety.
Like, why? I was like, if the flights are amazing,
you're totally disconnected from the world. You get to just like,
read a book or hone in, create a vision,
get a pen and paper, and just just do you.
But the it got me thinking about the grander scheme of things is that what are you laughing about?
I just kept picturing that there's a man on the wing,
churning butter. Oh my, What are our favorite movies as bridesmaids?
Hello to your hand on the wing, turning butter.
There's something they're not telling us. That might create anxiety.
Sorry. Oh my gosh. But there's
so many things that are are events that we're supposed to look forward to and enjoy,
like weddings, birthdays,
and people will stress out about it,
and there's so much stress around it.
It's almost to the point that sometimes I asked people,
I'm like, why are you even doing it then?
Why don't you just go get married in a courthouse?
Or why don't you just skip your kid's birthday party if creating this much stress
and turmoil in the family because it doesn't have to be this way.
And if you can set the intention of this is what the party is,
This is what the wedding is, and it's for you or for your kid unapologetically.
It's not for anybody else. Like, our wedding was so much fun because it wasn't about anybody else.
And there were a lot of people that are interjected to try make it about other people.
Oh, don't do destination. This person can't come.
This person can't come. Half your family's not gonna be there.
And what if they don't like the food and blah,
blah, blah, I was like, we just well,
we don't care because it's it's our wedding.
We're paying for it, which I wouldn't have even wanted anyone to pay
for it if they were gonna try dictate the outcome.
But I was like, this is our day,
and I wanna look back to this day and have nothing but joyful memories.
And I don't wanna look back
and think about this was so stressful or when because I used to work weddings,
in college. When people would say,
I'm so glad it's over. I'm so glad it's over.
You just dropped a seventy-five thousand dollars on this wedding.
You are so glad it's over? What?
Like, what type of mindset is that?
Like, why is this the normal? Why is this accept did.
The same thing with the vacations is, like,
everybody plans a an not every vacation. I need a vacation from my vacation.
Yeah. But it's like you plan an annual vacation.
And it's nothing but stress about it,
and then you get there, and the stress continues,
the kids don't do this. We don't wanna do this.
And it's a it's what if we actually sat down
and had a conversation about what are who we are as a family,
what are our core values as a family,
and what is actually going to align with that.
Is it this big fancy vacation on an all-inclusive resort,
or is it getting in the backyard
and and having a bonfire and shutting all of our phones off
and just literally having a great time and laughing.
So this is that's pretty awesome because I don't think you know about this,
but It was this was probably three months ago.
It's pet a client that pretty much went to that whole process,
is that they went on this, you know,
very expensive family trip and the kids were miserable the entire time.
And she's and then the parents got upset
because they spent all this money and they doing all this to be able to,
like, have the family come together because they were working all this time and I go,
the kids are miserable because that's not what they wanted.
And she just stops, and she's like, Oh,
that's correct. And I go,
Why don't you just sit down and figure out what everybody wants?
Like, have the conversation instead of just bulldozing and just moving on to the next thing is just,
you know, if you're wanting to bring the, like,
set the intent of what you're wanting to achieve,
as a family, connect that with the values of the family,
and then go around and see, like, what each person,
how that they think they can the family can best achieve that.
And then put all that information together,
and then you're all working together to achieve the same thing,
instead of just, you know, having one dictator saying,
this is what we're doing, and it's going to serve us.
And I like always circling this back to real-life things that parents can understand because,
you know, most of us have had a job in our lives,
and when because the reason why we talk about family
so much now is not because we have all of these kids and,
you know, we've been through all the phases of life,
but we're just mind blown on a daily basis of how much we've learned from running our business.
And one of the things that stood out to me so much is that is making assumptions.
And when we had employees, and it would come time for annual reviews.
We would do these annual reviews and instead of really opening the dialogue to understand,
like, what was the feedback from the employee,
the individual? What was gonna make them feel valued?
What was going to allow them to feel like they're they're growing,
and being valued as an employee? Instead of asking,
we made assumptions and so we would give a pay raise,
and then they would quit a month later.
And you're like, what? Like, what just happened here?
And it wasn't about the pay raise. It was about this person
specifically wanted to work their way up the ladder.
They wanted a more prestigious title,
or they wanted more challenge. They didn't care about the money.
They just they wanted more challenge,
and they wanted to feel like they were growing and moving up the ladder in the company.
Or others were like, I just want more flexibility with PTO
because my family is my highest value and I wanna make sure that I can do my job,
love my job, but I can also prioritize my family
and and have flexibility to be with them when I need to be with them.
And so it's the same exact concept
because I know that of you have been on the receiving end of that.
You've been on the receiving end of either not getting the promotion
or not getting the raise you've just you feel like shit,
and you feel like what am I even doing? I don't feel valued.
I don't feel heard. Maybe maybe this this isn't the right job for me.
And it's like the same exact idea.
Maybe this isn't the right family for me.
Well, that's why we have to actually put more effort into our families
because we're stuck with each other.
Anywhere. I think that's gonna be the title of this podcast.
Maybe this isn't the right family for me.
Mom, dad, go to a different family.
Yeah. But it's if you're not an entrepreneur,
you know, there there is so,
so, so much that goes into a company running well that it doesn't feel chaotic,
running well that it creates a great customer experience
and running well that it creates a great internal employee experience.
Like, that doesn't just happen.
Like, that is extremely strategic and methodical,
and it takes effort on a daily basis.
So having a family and household that is aligned,
that that is collaborative,
that is respectful, that is supportive,
and that has fun together, that is extremely strategic intentional methodical.
It takes effort every day,
every week. It takes communication.
And one of the podcasts that did yesterday that you guys will hear.
It and some of you might think
it's so off the wall But I said I was making an example about this idea of of accountability.
I go, if you're in a job, and you don't do your job,
your boss doesn't come and do your job for you.
But in a household, if your kid doesn't do what he's supposed to do she's supposed to do,
the parents will do it. And then they just,
you know, they puff and they puff and they're frustrated and they're like,
I have so much on my plate. And I'm so busy and I'm so frantic.
And at the end of the day, it's not necessarily about your kid,
you know, being a shithead or not being disciplined or not caring,
sometimes your kid just doesn't really know what they're responsible for.
Because you you word vomited something verbal at them.
But in a job, you get a job description,
you get a manual, you get a you get a layout of
what you're responsible you get something physically on paper so that if you forget,
you reference back to it. You get touch bases with your higher up to say,
you're doing well, you're not doing well, or you're achieving your goals,
you're not achieving your goals. Why are we not applying those exact same principles with our kit?
And you might think that's how that takes so much time and I don't have time to make a manual.
Well, guess what? You either make the time to make the manual
and get everybody on the same page,
or you just spend the time putting out fires and being pissed off.
It's your choice. So Doctor Nicole guy will fire it up there.
This is all supposed to be about just prioritizing having fun,
and this is the derail. I'm gonna I'm gonna bring it all together.
So, really, what Doctor. Nicole is trying to say you have to create fun.
Fun like everything else in life very rarely happens out of nothing.
But also Hey. Go back. No. Going back to
what I just said is if you're constantly derailed with your energy of putting the fires out,
that also takes away from the time and energy to have fun.
That's all I wanted to say. It's almost impossible for her just in that time.
So, circling it in again,
ringing it in is that you have to create your fun.
And like in anything, if you're gonna create it,
you need a very specific system and process and accountability to that process.
And when it comes to a family dynamic,
there is a lot of different people
and every single person in that family dynamic has a different set of values,
what's most important to them that needs to be taken into concern,
and how just like Doctor.
Nicole said the business you go through and you get feedback.
First of all, how do you get feedback? Well, you have to have a communication system set up.
Is that in writing? Is that through verbal?
Like, figure out Is it strategic?
Figure out what's gonna work best for your family because every family you know,
has their strengths and communication, and set that in place,
be able to get that feedback, then have everybody come together and get crystal clear,
making a decision together so that you're all growing together.
There's no dictatorship. Everybody's on a similar playing field.
But then that allows you to what?
Go have fun. And as you go have fun,
There's everybody's in alignment,
and there's no shame or guilt that anybody should be doing anything else,
and you're just all in the present you're all connected,
you're all laughing, loving,
and having an amazing time. And if you're looking for a great tool,
we put together it's actually completely tool.
It's called the aligned couple,
what is it called? The aligned couple workbook.
The link will be below. What about the link below?
But this is actually a way to get aligned with your partner,
that allows you then to get on the same page
so you can communicate more effectively with your kids and one of the sections in this,
weekly meeting layout is what fun do you want to prioritize,
and it allows you to get proactive thinking about what are fun things that we might wanna consider.
And this could again be the bonfire in the yard.
This could be, a trip to the beach
or this could be a weekend trip with just the parents or the whole family.
So it allows you to really start thinking about,
you know, how can we make sure that fun is part of our lives,
and it also gets the kids at any in the parents,
it gives you something to look forward to
because I know that that's something that we really value is knowing like,
Hey, we got thing coming up instead of winging it every weekend essentially.
Yep. One of our big things is just, you know,
having a set day of we're going boating and we even set the time of,
hey, this is the time frame we're leaving the house and we're going up.
So Yeah. Get specific with hold yourself accountable.
Hundred percent. Alright, guys. We hope you enjoyed it and all of the derails.