ļ»æEpisode 226
Title: How societal norms are holding us back and making us anxious
Host: Dr. Nicole Rivera & Dr. Nick Carruthers
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Transcription:
Hello, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Integrated View Radio. I am actually joined with Doctor Nick. I've been flying solo for a couple of podcasts now. But he was able to grace us with his time today. But we wanted to bring a very interesting topic to the table. And I'm sure Nick is gonna have his own iteration of it, but the topic is how societal norms are holding you back and holding our kids back. And it was kind of an interesting conversation that both of us had the other day. We went out to the beach and we started talking to a family because our son walked over and, of course, was like, I'm gonna play with your toys. And we were talking to them, and they mentioned something about sailing, and that both of the moms just recently were taking sailing classes. Actually, I think it was the moms and the right. Everybody was taking sailing classes. And they said that it stemmed from the idea that they want to be a better example for their kids because one of the principles that they were trying to teach was it's okay to be uncomfortable because of the driving epidemic of anxiety in these young individuals that when she started to do research, she found that a lot of the households, especially in specific demographic areas had a lot of comfort, you know, most homes. She said one of the biggest statistics that sounds silly, but most homes have air, and you know, these kids are not uncomfortable a lot of the time, and they're not uncomfortable with the temperature. They're not uncomfortable with being hungry. They're not uncomfortable with being thirsty. They're not uncomfortable with most of the basic needs of life, let alone some individuals are getting to experience more of the luxuries of life. She knew that she wanted to create a balance with that and see and almost put it to the test, is this going to help my kids look at the world differently and have less anxiety if they understand that it's okay to be uncomfortable? And what I loved about it is that she said, I'm trying to teach my kids this, and I'm comfortable most of the time. So I'm gonna do something and get outside of my box and learn something new, and I'm gonna get uncomfortable. And I'm going to set that example but also be able to speak from the experience. I just thought it was a very, very amazing conversation and such an amazing outlook that she was going to practice what she was preaching and get uncomfortable and then also be able to showcase the vulnerability of that discomfort with her kids.
Yeah. It's I mean, I think it always looks I always look at things on a macro scale and then kinda get to the nitty-gritty, and there's a reason why right now, like, no one really labeled as number one, but America is not number one anymore because America is very comfortable. You know, you look at Russia. Russia's not comfortable. Russia's their work on their ass off. And America's not. America's, you know, where you go out to eat, and you hear people that's talking about you know, the TV series, you hear people that's talking more about problems instead of solutions. You know, it's one of the things I was telling Doctor Nicole is like, it's not normal to and it's actually uncomfortable for most people to talk about their big goals in life, their big vision, what they want to really achieve and go after. Like, that should be comfortable. That but it's uncomfortable. So let's society norm is that it's actually comfortable. Yeah. Dreaming big is is, oh, that's a that's a pipe dream. That's not real life. Get back get grounded in reality. Yeah. Because life is hard. So it's it's looking at what decided norms and how that's actually dictating your behavior and your family's behavior because, you know, it's it's weird or it's unique or you're different to go and be outside that norm. So I think one of the big things is kind of breaking down, you know, just getting clear on why are you doing what you're doing and is it actually best serving you?
Yeah. And I think a lot of it has to do with the people that we surround ourselves with because there are people that are going to invite those higher-level conversations. They're gonna invite the celebrations. They're gonna invite you talking about your goals and your vision, and then there are other people that are gonna say, Oh, you're an optimist. Oh, you're unrealistic. And they're going to talk down to you when you if you tried to talk about those things. Yeah, that's one of I mean, that's one of the things I constantly hear from people that I'm coaching is that, you know, after they, you know, start sharing their big dreams and getting clear on their vision and whatnot. They're always like, you know, thank you so much. It's just been awesome to be able to share this and know that there's no, like, no judgment. And, like, you're not, like, oh, you think you're better than everybody else because you're going after this, or you're gonna do this, you're gonna grow this, you're gonna make this. But what's even better is that, you know, they always come back with but you pushed me to make it even bigger because that's where the magic happens is being uncomfortable. You know, that's where the growth occurs. You know, maximum growth occurs with a balance of support and challenge. So when we come up with our own ideas, to challenge ourselves, like ninety-nine percent of us aren't pushing ourselves big enough, hard enough. That's why we get coaches. Why we get personal trainers? That's why we have all these other people to push us so that we can actually maximize our growth. And that's not happening. That's not the norm here in the states.
No. And I I know that as entrepreneurs, I've heard it a million times over and I've felt it a million times over is feeling isolated and feeling isolated because you are setting some very lofty goals for yourself, for your life. And it's not easy to talk about those things with with other people, so you tend to kind of your mouth, and that is one of the reasons why, most people when they're looking for business coaches, they're looking for community. You know, they're looking for a great coach, but they're also looking to gain a community of other entrepreneurs that are like-minded. One of our coaches that we had back in the day, you know, we used to get there and the first exercise that we did was, what did she call it, a level three conversation? And she's like, let's have a level three conversation because we sure as hell know that none of us have had them in our personal lives. And unless you somehow are connected with tons of other impact-driven growth-minded entrepreneurs, it was let's get real on our celebrations. Like, if you made a million dollars in a month, let's talk about it. If you bought that Ferrari you've wanted, like, let's talk about it. Let's celebrate you. And then also, let's talk about the crazy hardships that we have also, navigated, and let's be vulnerable on how we can support each other in that. And it was such an amazing kickoff to those sessions. And even that, like, we went once quarter. And once a quarter was helpful, you know, it's not like you have to have these people in your network that you talk to every single day. Just finding one person that you can be real raw authentic and vulnerable with and talking to them once a month, once a quarter is better than nothing. And those people authentically cheering you on, not blowing smoke up your ass because most of the time we can tell when that's happening. But it's this is something that I know that a lot of entrepreneurs seek out, but as Doctor Nick said, we hear this on a regular basis because, you know, the way that we work with people, we work with them on their health, and we work with them on their mind. If they are coming to us feeling low or feeling depressed or feeling anxious or dealing with some other type of mental health condition, you know, sometimes there's a biochemical component, but then sometimes it's a matter of their environment. It's a matter of fact that they don't have people in their corner. They don't have people that have their back. They don't have people. They can be real, raw, and vulnerable with. They don't have that. They're surrounded by the polar opposite, and it's draining their energy. It is it is sucking their soul, actually. And they and then often when we invite them to understand that that's part of the puzzle, but there are people out there that if they let go, if they have the loss, of the toxic person, then now there's space for the person that is actually going to align with who they are now. I think a lot of times because of the norms, people are like, really? You think there's really people out there that are going to, like, celebrate me and cheer me on and support me and have my back and not talk shit about me? Like, you think those people really exist? I was like, damn, I hope they do. I wanna get a little deeper on the, the energy of this as well is that you know, we know through, like, through the health aspect epigenetic you know, it's our environment. It's actually dictating the expression of the cell, the health of the cell. And so when, like, knowing the energy of the field of, like, your environment of your friends, your team, or, you know, other family members, even that that have you back that you can share these things with, and there's no judgment, and there's actually the opposite that there's the encouragement, the celebration, there's all these things. That, that creates a ripple effect of that energy, that vibration and frequency inside of your cells. And what's amazing about that is, has Doctor Nicole saying, you know, our one of our old coaches, you know, we only had that once a quarter then But that's all we needed. Like that gave us the imprint in our fields that dictated the representation of how we are showing up every day. And because once we can experience something, we don't have we're, like, It's that's we're not an addict, you know. An addict is you're dependent on that. That's not healthy. Like, you don't need to be dependent on that energy. But once you feel it, once you have it, you own that energy, and then that is you. That is a part of you. So we're all a part of our environment. We shouldn't be dependent on our environment. I wanted to get clear on that, but we can use the energy, the vibration, the frequency to fill ourselves up, and then that's the new best version of yourself to move on. And that's, like and, you know, you talked about loss in a game. Yeah. Friendships, if you're growing, you're gonna lose friends. And you have to lose friends in order to grow new friends to be able to tap into that higher vibration of energy to be able to make that alignment with who you're becoming.
Yeah. And I think that what you said is important is, you know, a lot of what we talked about thus far in the podcast is somewhat outside of yourself surrounding yourself with the right people and that is very important, but it's also about you being your own biggest cheerleader and you catching yourself when your first inclination is to talk about a problem versus a solution and catching yourself when you feel so stressed out chaotic and frantic that you are going to instead of trying to find a solution to that, you're gonna binge out on Netflix. So it's also a matter of you're you're going to be able to create these great relationships outside of you if you start to have a better relationship inside of you. And that is breaking those societal norms of it's okay if I watch Netflix five days a week and I haven't read a book in a year. It's okay if I complain about things and feel victimized by things. You can do that, but that's the resonance that you're gonna put out there, and you're going to have a lot more things come into your life that you don't want coming into your life. You wanna be a victim, you are gonna get victimized more. You wanna distract yourself from the deeper-rooted problems, you're gonna get more of those problems until the pain is big enough for you to make a change. And so I think the one of the hardest things to digest for myself was I'm the creator. I'm the creator of my life, good or bad. I was the creator in my life when I didn't like my life. And I'm also the creator of my life when I do like my life. And we have to understand that we're in the driver's seat. It has nothing to do with anyone else. There are different challenges that are present to navigate, but those challenges are opportunities. And those challenges are there to show up differently, to challenge us in a way that we start to grow wisdom so that we can create better opportunities. We could break the cycles of the old fear, guilt, shame victimization worry, and we can surpass that. So you have to always keep in mind is that you are in the driver's seat, and this is about creating a great relationship inside of yourself before you're really going to tap into the great relationships outside of yourself.
Yeah. I think as we wrap this up to, you know, give a really good tool to be able to dive into oneself is meditation. And you we started this, the story of the woman that we met on the beach and how, you know, she was doing things to create pain to create a challenge, and that, you know, a lot of people in society, they stray away from pain. They're scared of pain, they're fearful of pain. They don't have a good relationship with pain. And what's amazing about meditation is you can get such into a deep state inside of yourself, that you realize that pain's not you. Fear is not you. The worry is not you. None of that is you. All those things are just teachers. They're gifts that the universe is actually giving to show us what information to allow us to have more data to be able to make better decisions to be able to change our actions. And when we can actually tap into that energy, to that information, and disconnect ourselves, thinking that we are that because we're not. That's just literally a teacher coming up to help serve us, not take away, not not literally be, you know, causing us to be a victim. We can overcome and be empowered, and then we're highly adaptable. And, you know, there's nothing to fear. There's nothing to be anxious about. There's nothing to worry about. There's a solution to every problem because you can't actually have one without the other. You have to have a problem in order to grow, and every problem contains a solution. So once we can actually get back to be grounded and centered in ourselves, we can really understand that everything is here in our life to be able to serve us to help us grow, to help us increase our self-value, our worth, and her love.
Yeah. And I wanna wrap up this with one specific example because I think that it is really hard for people to understand, this idea of, you know, pain for pleasure or loss for growth, and and also how that can actually be physical So when I reflect on our twelve years of practice, a lot of you that have been listening, you know that we made a big transition a little over two years ago. And when I think about our old practice and our old practice members, There were a lot of people that used our services because they they would have a pain, they would have a symptom, and it would induce massive fear, and they would come running to us to help facilitate a solution. They never looked necessarily for the solution inside of themselves, And honestly, we I don't think we were we had enough wisdom in the earlier stages of practice to to to guide them any differently. You know, we're like, we have tools, we have technology, we have devices, we have this, we have that. We have doctors. We have great facilitators. So we, we, we're here. We'll help you. And then as we went through our own journeys, and we got into the meditation world, And we had massive, massive physical symptoms in getting into meditation. So essentially, as we were breaking old patterns and cycles of energy, cycles of fear, cycles of loss, cycles of skills cycles of grief, and we were starting to break these cycles and change our brain waves and reprogram our nervous systems We both had different sets of pain, physical pain. I felt like there was glass in my throat. We've had parts, points in time where we felt like we threw out our back, like, we threw out our neck. So It's was a very, very eye-opening experience. And as we experienced that, we have now taken that wisdom into our practice. And now when someone has a pain or has a a flare of symptoms, we look at it differently to decipher, is this is this truly you truly threw your back out? Did you truly, you know, have a flare in your gut? Or is this actually a release of shit you've been holding on to, literally and figuratively? And, one of the most, mind-blowing things is that one of our, our clients, a couple of weeks ago, he threw out his to the point that he could not move. It the pain was so extreme that he ended up calling an or, an ambulance We did an MRI on the spine MRI on the pelvis, all the organs, every single thing was clear. And this was someone who was dedicated to everything we were teaching him dedicated to his meditative practice. And when we did our testing, we said we we strongly feel that this is a huge, huge release. And he's like, you okay. I get it, but and so we did the MRI and it was a hundred percent clear. So it it truly was a positive release, but there was a shit ton of pain associated with it. And there's been nothing but continual progress since that happened. End. So moral of the story is that pain is not always bad. A, it's not always bad, but not to scare people because sometimes Nicole's real raw, you know, intensity can scare people. Hey, I love to fucking scare people. I know. That's why I'm very you. I'm constantly growing. Is that, you know Buckle of Buttercup? The energy's always gonna stay to balance. So this gentleman was putting a high intensity, a high duration amount of energy into creating a change, and he got he got that. So it's like, you know, you can you're always in control of the speed of your journey. This gentleman's wanting to get results very, very quickly, and he is experiencing that both on the good and the bad side because there's really no such thing as good and bad. It's just a change. And that was also another opportunity for us to go through that to help him even more clearly own that he is not the pain and to be able to separate himself and to be able to feel that to use that and to manage that so that he can even be a more authentic empowered version of himself. So every single stressing has a blessing in it, and it's, when you can when you can tap into it and use it, it's freaking amazing. So guys, stop subscribing to the BS of the world. That's all. That's it.
